"If that's one of our blokes, punch him in the nose for me," I advised the ambulance driver as he rolled out of Phillip Island's pitlane.
I then glanced over at HART's rideday ringmaster, a red flag flapping in his hand, at precisely the same moment his radio crackled the news I was dreading - it was an AMCN staffer who had bitten the gravel.
We were yet to complete the acceleration runs, lap times and group photos of the trio of nakedbikes we had at the Island for track testing, and one of the bikes needed returning - in mint condition - the very next day. There was no other way to say it: we were in deep trouble. The precise depth of the abyss we were in depended on a few things - which bike was it, who was the rider, and was the bike rideable? Oh yeah, and was the jockey responsible..?
Two of those questions were answered when Adam rolled into pitlane, completely intact, aboard the Kawasaki Z1000. With the Honda CB900 Hornet quietly ticking beside me, that left the Yamaha FZ1 as missing in action. That and a certain Simon Swan...
UPSIDE DOWN
The previous two weeks of testing had thankfully been devoid of any similar dramas. The three bikes had been commuted, toured, weighed, measured and then run on the dyno at PTR's workshop.
Our road-ride component of the test had sailed by, despite the occasional wrong turn and the odd staff member acting the goat. With all the hard work behind us, the track testing was supposed to be the icing on the cake.
It was to be a leisurely strop at the AMCN Afterburner Rideday at the Phillip Island Grand Prix circuit - directly after the World Superbike circus had wound up proceedings - together with AMCN's Stalker Radar gun and a couple of stopwatches. As it turned out, one of the most regrettable aspects of the entire incident was that Mr Swan hadn't highsided the FZ1 in front of the photographer - if you're going to stuff up, at least do it on film...
He scored some minor abrasions, a decent dose of pale-faced shock, and ankle ligament damage that necessitated crutches for a week or so afterwards. But most importantly, the bike was rideable, albeit a little scuffed up. In fact the incident highlighted one of the major benefits of nakedbikes - minimal crash damage.
Simon's theatrics involved the FZ1 spitting him into the air like a watermelon pip, before landing on its left side and spinning down the track for a good 25m or so.
The damage? A bent clutch lever and handle-bar, a small ding in the tank, cracked nose fairing and scuffed engine case. The damage amounted to nearly $5000 (everything new) which isn't cheap, but do the same on a fully-faired sportsbike and you're looking at twice that amount.
FRESH AS A DAISY
Of course, there are many other benefits of nakedbike ownership. Nakedbikes have always been a favourite of the AMCN crew but, judging by the Aussie sales charts, not everybody agrees.
When given the choice between a plastic-coated crotch rocket, or a large capacity nakedbike, Australians tend to opt for the former, regardless of any compromises concerning comfort or practicality.
When nakedbikes such as the FZ1, Honda Hornet and the 'new kid on the block' Z1000 are available, that's a real shame.
I personally think they look great, especially the Kawasaki in this company, and all three are vastly more competent across the range of real world riding duties than narrow-focused sports machines.
Don't get me wrong - I like punting a pure-bred sportsbike around a racetrack as much as anybody. It's just that when it comes to real world riding, a nakedbike has a lot to offer. Comfort for one. After a full-day road ride along some of Australia's best biking roads, I felt fresh as a daisy.
On extended trips the FZ1 just has the edge over the other two, its nose fairing doing just enough to reduce the 'parachute effect' of the Honda and Kawasaki. Of course, its fairing is larger than the Kawasaki's 'fashion before function' offering, and the Hornet doesn't have one at all, so there are no surprises there.
GOT THE HAT-TRICK
The ride positions are all of the 'sit up and beg' variety, with the FZ1 the roomiest (read 'largest'). By comparison the Honda is much more compact, and the Kawasaki feels positively bonzai-like!
In comparison the Z1000 feels like a dirtbike in size and ride position, a handy trait when one of our thoroughly researched road rides began with two wrong turns in a row and finished with us on some obscure gravel road liaising with a couple of friendly goats over directions.
"Follow me," Phil had shouted. "I know a shortcut."
Ten minutes later we pulled up at an intersection, only for Phil to turn to me and ask, "Left or right?".
"I don't know, it's your bloody shortcut!" came the incredulous reply. Oh dear. Once back on the bitumen, the Kawasaki placed the rider in a very comfortable crouch, seemingly directly over the front wheel, with communication from the front Bridgestone BT019 excellent.
The Honda seats the rider in a more relaxed position, but the bike also offers plenty of feedback with what's going on beneath the bike's Bridgestone BT56s.
The FZ1 completes the Bridgestone hat-trick - with more touring-oriented BT020s - but the riding position means the rider feels a little more isolated from the road on the Yamaha. That's more an indication of how good the other two are at providing feedback.
RIDING SOLO
Pillions find the FZ1 pretty comfortable, with decent grab rails and a wide seat, but the Honda matches it here. The Kawasaki is the bike most likely to upset the pillion, but reports from the back seat point to it being more comfortable than it looks, despite the lack of a grab rail.
To be honest though, the basic pillion accommodation is a good excuse to keep the Kawasaki all to yourself - it's more fun that way. I was actually disappointed with the Z1000 engine when I first rode it. It seemed a tad placid, not really having the effect I figured a 120ps engine should have on a 223kg (measured, wet) machine. Then I realised I wasn't yanking its chain hard enough...
Where the Honda likes to be grunted around in the mid-range rather than revved hard, and the Yamaha is happy doing either, the Kawasaki needs a tacho full of revs and an aggressive throttle hand to bring out its best.
Once you assert yourself on the Kawasaki, the rewards come - it's not for bludgers!
The Honda weighs just 1kg less (222kg wet, measured), but the 20ps deficit in the engine department isn't really noticeable until you get to the racetrack. That's because its flat torque curve, which eclipses the Kawasaki's until the 7500rpm mark, and super-smooth delivery punt bike and rider along at a very respectable rate - especially in tight going. It's the smoothest of these three, no question.
However, it's the Yamaha R1-derived engine which is the easiest to use overall. It can grunt out of corners with the best of them, yet will also water the eyes at the top of the rev range if so desired.
SUCKING JUICE
The fuel injection on the Honda and Kawasaki is almost faultless, and the Yamaha carburates perfectly, but the Kawasaki's throttle is noticeably heavier than the others. It's only something you notice when climbing from one bike to another, and is hardly a big issue.
I did get the feeling, though, that while the quartet of mufflers adorning the Z1000 look good, they perhaps restrict the performance a tad. I've heard rumours that attaching a proper four-into-one system immediately releases another ten ponies, but that's unsubstantiated until we can get a piped Z1000 on the dyno. It sounds reasonable though. An extra 10ps? An attractive thought...
Not that the Z1000 doesn't go fast enough - and the digital speedo works well enough to let you know at a glance just how fast you're travelling.
Deciphering the engine speed is a different story, as I found the Z1000's tacho difficult to get used to. Owners will obviously become accustomed eventually, but I prefer the simple analogue clocks of the Honda and Yamaha when it comes to gathering info at a glance. Sailing along on the open road at 100kmh, those aforementioned tachos read at 4250rpm, 3600rpm and 4400rpm for the Kawasaki, Honda and Yamaha respectively, which is all very relaxed to say the least.
Fuel consumption amongst the three over the test's duration was incredibly similar - both the Kawasaki and Honda averaging 12.9km/lt, the Yamaha 13.1km/lt, with all of them clustered around the 15km/lt mark in more relaxed touring mode. That's not super-frugal, but realistically, it's not too bad either, especially considering the somewhat spirited usage they got, and not just around Phillip Island...
SCRATCH CITY
One particular example involved myself mounted on the Honda and Simon, full of pre-crash bravado, filling the Honda's excellent mirrors aboard the doomed FZ1.
As we wound our way up Reefton Spur I revelled in the Honda's agility and grip, using the engine's mid-range to cut a smooth, composed line through the tight and bumpy surrounds.
The Honda shakes its head from time to time, and the forks' damping is left a little wanting when it gets really bumpy, but it was a safe and rewarding scratch.
Simon, meanwhile, was enjoying the balanced feel of the Yamaha which, though a little soft suspension-wise when the going gets frantic, lays into a corner with a grace and precision admirable for a bike its size.
The FZ1's engine is even easier to use than the Honda's in such a situation - just wind it up and hold on tight!
The Kawasaki outsteers both of them, however, and copes a little better with the bumpy stuff. Its steering is also the lightest, the compromise a slightly flighty feeling, but it never grew into a full-blown tank slapper - and it had plenty of opportunity to do so!
The Honda's sweet gearbox comes into its own in this going, the Kawasaki's almost on par, while swapping cogs on the Yamaha is a notchy affair. That may have something to do with a certain Kevin Curtain having provided the 'running-in' service. Molten 'hero' knobs hinted the Nikon Yamaha rider may have 'run it in' in quick time...
QUALITY BUILD
The Yamaha does excel in the braking department - it always has - even though its 235kg wet weight (measured) gives away 11-12kg to its rivals.
The Kawasaki's four-piston Nissin calipers lack initial bite in comparison, but there's enough power available when you give it a firm squeeze, and the rear works like it should. The Honda slots in between the two others in braking performance, with a good solid feel at the front lever, and less effort required than the Kawasaki to retard speed.
Apart from an annoying, high frequency buzz from the Z1000's nose cone when accelerating through the gears - something I'm sure is an easy fix - the build quality of all three bikes is excellent.
The Hornet is typical Honda in that it's the best of the bunch in this regard, apart from a recalcitrant ignition key that made key insertion a hassle.
GO NAKED
So, which bike? It's easy to sit on the fence with this trio, but it all comes down to what use you intend to put the thing through.
The CB900 Hornet feels the most sorted. It's super smooth, refined and everything works not only as it should, but very well.
It'll commute, scratch and even satisfy on a racetrack, and the $14,290 price is very good value.
The $15,799 FZ1 is the best option here for those that want to rack up some sports/touring kilometres, but it also suits the 'all-rounder' tag well, in addition to having a fair sprinkling of hoon factor due to that R1-sourced engine.
For me though, it's the Z1000. I love the looks and the handling, and whether I was in town, on the open road or at the racetrack I had the most fun on it. The $15,490 pricetag sits well with me, but I'd be bolting a four-into-one exhaust on to it pronto. If you're not convinced of the benefits of nakedbike ownership by now, jump aboard one of these three and find out for yourself. You won't be disappointed...