Yamaha VMAX

In a world of ever-increasing conformist social behaviour, Yamaha’s VMAX stands out like tits on a bull. It’s big, it’s brash but most of all it’s silly. Very silly.

The VMAX lets its figures do the talking and it loves the figure 200 – its 1679cc engine produces 200bhp, through a 200-section rear tyre while struggling to get anywhere near 200km from a tankful of laughing gas.

And if you want a bike that makes you friends, then the VMAX is your ride. At the bowser, anyway. After the initial hunt for the under seat fuel cap (I won’t spoil the fun by telling you where the catch is located), the 15-litre tank is full well before $25 (even at Sydney’s fuel prices!) and the central-mounted fuel gauge has started its homeward march to empty before you’ve even left the forecourt. In short, it drinks like an Irishman on Paddy’s day and you’ll be on first name terms with the servo cashier.

Retailing for $31,299, Yamaha’s heaviest of heavyweights won’t be bought by those on a budget, so the fuel’s not the deciding issue. But what does all that money buy you?

In short, a ride like no other. The bike is huge – longer than a wet weekend in Wales, heavier than losing your job and wider than a B-Double drifting sideways. Jump on and you’re immediately taking up the role of fighter pilot.

Light the blue touch paper and get ready for the ride. Open the taps fully from a standstill and the monster back tyre looses its rubbery grip on reality and spins like a drug-affected DJ. It’ll still do this even when the tyre is up to temperature. At that velocity, all you’ll see is the flashing white shift light above the speedo as you stab for the next gear.

If you haven’t been on a fast bike for a while, it’ll make your head spin faster than cheap wine. If you have, it’ll still push your brain further forward in your skull that is medically advisable. Fantastic!

But is the VMAX just ballistic in a straight line and more than a handful through the bends? Well, yes and no. There’s no getting away from the weight and mass of that V-four engine bulging out between the extended distance of the wheels making for a tip-tip-drop feel around corners. Saying that, get the bike on a long, smooth curve and it’ll sit there all day. The heavy feel’s more felt on sharper, slower corners.

For its bulk, nothing less than the ABS-controlled six-pot calipers will do. They offer great feel no matter what the speed. The rear caliper is more effective than on a lighter bike, too.

And the good news continues on a comfort level. The rider gets treated to a stepped seat that actually works. The ‘backrest’ section helps brace the rider as the bike fires into the horizon. It’s not so rosy for the pillion, though. Even though they get their own rest, the seat is small and the pegs quite high. However, I reckon the fear-factor of 200hp will keep the back-seaters from complaining too much about home comforts.

With a smooth five-speed box and shaft drive, the VMAX loves to be ridden around at low speed. The power and torque have a creamy flow to them and short shifting through the ratios gives a punch of power whenever asked for.

And the VMAX impresses at a standstill, too. Its physical presence is felt but all – even friends that have absolutely no interest in bikes made favourable comments about it. Most asked, “What is it?”

And that’s not as dumb as you might think. Even though there are a couple of VMAX badges, you’ll struggle to find more than the tuning-fork logo on the bike. How long will it be before Jap bike manufacturers follow their car counterparts and start separate brands for their high-end products, like Toyota do with their Lexus brand?

From the sloping headlight to the huge air-intakes to the upswept exhausts, the VMAX oozes style and quality. But it’s no chrome cowboy, as most of the bright work is alloy and stainless steel. This gives it a more modern air and less of a Harley-clone feel.

The VMAX has come a long way from the 1985 original. It’s been modernised to be bigga, bolda and badda. But it’s still the silliest thing you can put between your legs, short of strapping your jewels to an Exocet missile. In this eco-friendly world, the VMAX is dead. So long live the VMAX!