Wasted effort

If you ever had a hunch that PR companies are full of sh*t, this next story will confirm your suspicions. Japanese toilet manufacturer TOTO has developed the Toilet Bike Neo Project, a unique trike that is powered by urine and faeces.

For every colonic contraction, riders will get a burst of speed to propel them on their journey.

The poo-powered trike is fitted with a 'biogas' convertor that is claimed to turn human waste into energy, that in turn powers the rear wheels. TOTO came up with idea to raise awareness around bathroom emissions (please, no jokes) and specifically water usage.

And yes, the poo-powered trike is a clever promotional tool and doesn't actually convert excrement into combustible gas. Though the idea has merit...

Nevertheless, TOTO's Toilet Bike Neo has made global headlines for its distinctive design - and also because sub editors have gone to town with figurative headlines involving the word poo. The rider sits on a toilet and from the commanding position atop the porcelain throne can ostensibly ride forever, assuming a fast metabolism.

We're not sure what sort of emissions the bike outputs - it probably doesn't meet Euro 4 standards - but Nox levels are reportedly off the scale.

Other features of the bike include... Aah who cares. But here's a poo joke: A man walks into the doctor's office with a briefcase that's oozing a stinky brown liquid. The man says "Doctor, I've got a terrible case of diorrhea."