The Stig versus GSX-R600

Golly gosh, Top Gear Live is back, and it isn't smaller, humbler and quieter than ever. The all-singing, all-dancing arena-spectacular version of the world's most popular television series returns to Australia in March. But Sydney misses out -- this time its Brisbane and Melbourne's turn.

The 'Prototype' show comes first to the Brisbane Entertainment Centre from March 3-6, and then it's onto the Melbourne Showgrounds from March 11-14.

What can punters expect? In the words of the publicists, "more pyro, more noise, more spectacle and far more misbehaviour than ever before", bringing "all the mates, motoring and mucking about of the small screen to a live theatre experience."

From a motorcycling perspective, a Suzuki GSX-R600 will be the sole two-wheel spectacle, featuring in a sequence with Stig, who’ll be driving a 600hp supercharged Mustang. And the 600 rider: none other than trials icon Dougie Lampkin?

While MY11 retains Jeremy Clarkson, the Richard Hammond from the last show has been upgraded to a James May. They will be joined by a local presentation component, yet to be announced.

They will, as always, surround themselves with an embarrassment of automotive excess, including "the first ever transparent car, Porsches transformed beyond all recognition and a custom made 'Godzilla' Nissan GT-R going head-to-head with a police helicopter. Indoors."

Expect loads of special effects, loud noises, flames and yes, you read it right -- a police helicopter tooling around indoors.

By the time this round ends, the show will have played to more than a million people. This tour alone will gobble up 940 tyres, 220 clutches, 640 brake pads, 2000 litres of coolant and -- in what is perhaps the show’s only tilt at modesty -- only a dozen new body panels.

Tickets are available from Ticketek on 132 849 or at ticketek.com.au.