Honda Gold Wing

"It's simple. Start pedalling until the engine fires, then pull in the clutch lever and twist the left grip upwards to select gear. Then twist the throttle on the right and let out the clutch lever."

Mmmm, seems simple enough...

"To select second, pull in the clutch lever and twist the left grip the other way."

This is beginning to sound a bit like trying to pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time. What the heck, I'll give it a go...

"Okay Wolfgang, I'm ready - which way does the track go and what's the lap record? Pass me the goggles..."

COMMUNIST COMMUTER
The steed in question was my mate Wolfgang's painstakingly restored 1957 Simson moped, all 48cc of DDR (East Germany) two-stroke muscle. And the 'track' I was using was the cobbled roadway leading to the local kindergarten, practically within spitting distance of the Polish border and just north of the Czech Republic.

Throw that Communist commuter my way. After all, I'm an experienced motorcyclist from the capitalist west. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, how about a front brake lever that popped the nipple out of its retaining hole and suddenly came back to the bar as I bounced along the Hitler-built cobbled roadway!

And as I'd forgotten to ask Wolf where the back brake was, this caused much consternation for yours truly. A leather skull-cap was probably not the best sort of bonce protection should I have unwittingly decided to grate my forehead along some granite blocks knocked into shape by some of Adolf's labour camp detainees.

My predicament also caused quite a degree of mirth from Wolf's four-year-old son Max as I careered towards his kindergarten, my feet frantically dragging on the ground Fred Flintstone style as I endeavoured to slow my runaway Simson.

It had all seemed like a good idea at the time, but role playing usually is. It's only afterwards that you tend to regret your actions - even if Baron von Woose was supposedly indestrucatble in Max's eyes.

But the attraction of stepping back in time to behind the Iron Curtain seemed too good to pass up.

WHO'S SHAKIRA?
With my reputation now in tatters, there was only one thing left to do.

"C'mon Max, we'll get the Wing and show your classmates what a real motorcycle looks like."

So 20 minutes later it was back to the kindergarten, but this time aboard Honda's $39,990 GL1800/6 Gold Wing - complete with optional six-stack CD player.

Now I can't speak German, or Russian, but language wasn't a problem for the next couple of hours as I made friends with the most amazing group of kids I've had the pleasure of spending time with. Crikey, I'm even getting a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye as I pump out this yarn and remember that particular day back in mid July.

Primarily refugees from the old Soviet states of Uzbekistan and Kazakstan, these kids had no choice in where they were born, or to the family life they 'inherited'. They'll probably never get to ride a Gold Wing, let alone own one, and they have no idea (yet) who Valentino Rossi or Shakira is. But both they and I enjoyed a morning neither of us will ever forget.

So what's this got to do with a bike mag? Well, if you've got plans to hit the roads of Europe (not literally of course), then you could do far worse than head eastwards. Believe me, it's worth the additional hassles of visa applications and language problems (not as much English the further east you go) to sample the remnants of a world that changed forever on November 9, 1989 when 'The Wall' came down in Berlin.

The symbolic breaking down of that barrier ended 28 years of division between east and west, and was the signal for the massive changes that followed - the disbanding of the Soviet Union, the division of Czechoslovakia in 1993 into the Czech Republic and Slovakia, and so on throughout the region.

ATTRACTIVE PRICING
The old Communist region is changing rapidly and becoming westernised by the minute, but it still offers an opportunity to revisit history and sample the more attractive pricing of the eastern half of Europe.

More attractive? Well, when a basic hotel room (similar to a small Flag motel room) near London's Heathrow Airport goes for over $300 for the night, a two-course meal for two with a couple of beers in a Brighton (UK) Thai restaurant costs $120, and a six-day rental of a small Fiat Punto adds $790 (without fuel!) to the Amex statement, then yes, things can get pricey in the west. Or how about $125 for a three-course pub meal, with a couple of beers, for two?

Yep, things are pricey in Western Europe if your earnings are based on the Aussie peso. And the UK is about as west as you can go in Europe.

However, the 'shock' of receiving my American Express statement when I lobbed home after three weeks in Europe on my busman's holiday wasn't the only surprise in store for Baron von Woose. No siree.

THE DOCTOR'S STEED
First off, there was the surprise news from Honda UK that it had organised a ride for me on The Doctor's bike from the British GP. Huh?

"You mean Valentino Rossi's RC211V," I enquired.

Well, not exactly, but the very same six-cylinder 1800cc Gold Wing that The Doctor used for promotional work in and around London in the lead-up to the event.

Not only had I scored the world's most over-the-top touring bike for my 4300km Euro travels, but it had the optional CD-stacker fitted. Guess who now knows every track on Shakira's Laundry Service off by heart?

Surprise number two came as I was about to embark on the world's most expensive train trip - the 20-minute trip under the English Channel via the Eurotunnel. So much for competition between the ferry operators and the Eurotunnel consortium lowering prices! At £92.50 ($A270) for bike and body the train isn't cheap, but it is quick. But the price wasn't the surprise.

No, getting siphoned off from the traffic queue and into the security zone was the surprise, where both bike and I were thoroughly 'swabbed' for traces of explosives. Still, given the events of September 11 last year, better to be safe than sorry.

MISSING GATE?
Surprise number three came when I lobbed in Berlin the next day, keen to get a pic of the Wing under the Brandenburg Gate, the symbolic divider between the old DDR (East Germany) and West Germany. This was my first return to Berlin since my travels through the Eastern Bloc countries in 1985-86, so imagine my 'disappointment' when I found the Gate barricaded to traffic and covered in a massive Bild (a German news magazine) hoarding while the structure undergoes restoration. There's no doubting that capitalism has arrived...

Fortunately Checkpoint Charlie (the old border post where the Americans and Soviets had numerous stand-offs) was still all systems go, although its token pile of sandbags had little chance of slowing the Baron's six-cylinder behemoth if I'd decided to break through the defences.

A visit to Berlin's Checkpoint Charlie Museum was a must for yours truly (my last visit was in 1985), and it was a pretty sombre experience reliving the lengths that the Soviet-backed DDR went to between 1961 and 1989 to keep the city, and Germany itself, divided.

Grab a copy of the mainly-pictorial book It Happened At The Wall (ISBN 3-922484-38-7) for 12.5 euros ($A23.75) if you get a chance - it's an amazing read.

LOCK TO LOCK
Surprise number four came a couple of days later when my Wing hit some longitudinal grooves on a wet autobahn while heading towards Poland, not far from Berlin. I'm proud to say that I've now experienced - and survived - a 145kmh lockstop-to-lockstop 'slapper' on a 400kg-plus fully-loaded Wing. Believe me, Laundry Service was more than apt...

Obviously The Doctor had set the bike up for his own quick-steering requirements for London peak-hour traffic. Or perhaps Baron von Woose was simply travelling a little too fast for the wet conditions on a Hitler-built autobahn that was in need of repair. Lesson learned.

Mind you, when I experienced similar antics on the aforementioned Simson moped (surprise number five), I was beginning to wonder if I was just unlucky - or a slow learner.

And then there was surprise number six, after a two-hour trip to Prague (from the Sachsenring MotoGP on the same weekend) to take in the Saturday night Czech Republic Speedway Grand Prix at Marketa Stadium.

To find the stadium packed with enthusiastic horn-wielding Polish fans was a real buzz, although the Czech 'SWAT' team in full riot gear making an appearance around 10.15pm and 10 minutes before Aussie Jason Crump took victory in the final had me wondering what sort of finale I could expect.

As it turned out, it was simply precautionary measures by the highly-visible Czech police. Wonder what Czech soccer matches are like...

LIVING IN LUXURY
After catching up with the Aussie contingent (Flyin' Ryan Sullivan picked up third, so it was a good event for the Aussies), I high-tailed it back through the night to my five-star hotel near Sachsenring.

Five star? You betcha, and around two-thirds the price of my two-star single-bed Heathrow (UK) establishment. And that's with the 'bumped up' German MotoGP weekend rates of $225 a for twin-share room. With accommodation hard to come by - all tickets to the Sachsenring GP were sold out back in February - I was indeed fortunate to find a room at all, be it five star or hostel.

Normally the Renaissance Hotel in Chemnitz is $150 a night for a twin-share room, underlining how much cheaper eastern Europe is than similar establishments in the west, even in Germany itself. The further east you go (Poland, Czech Republic, etc), the cheaper it gets.

My ride back through the night was when surprise number seven kicked in. The numerous 'friendly' Czech girls who'd waved at me as I motored southwards towards Prague earlier in the day were no longer standing by the roadside. No sir, they were now inside dimly-lit, glass-fronted shops and on full display for passing motorists. And still waving.

When I headed back into Czecho a few days later (after the Sachsenring GP had finished), they were there again, still waving at me. Guess they must have recognised me from my previous visits to the Czech Republic in 2000 (ZX-12R) and 1996 (Gold Wing GL1500). Friendly lot those Eastern Bloc girls...

CURRENCY CONVERTER
Travelling in Europe is so much easier these days with the common currency (euro) that came in at the start of 2002. There's no need to be constantly changing money at border crossings, although some nations (UK, Switzerland and Czech Republic to name a few) have yet to adopt the euro.

An Australian passport will get you most places in Europe without the need for a visa (the Czech Republic requires one in advance - at $76), and major credit cards are accepted just about everywhere. Just be ready for that big surprise when the statement arrives in the mail after you've returned home. Oooh, nasty.

Needless to say, it helps immeasurably if you've got a suitable motorcycle to travel on, and I've no complaints on that score.

With four world championship events to take in over three weekends - Donington MotoGP (July 13-14), Sachsenring MotoGP and Prague Speedway GP (July 20-21) and Brands Hatch World Supers (July 27-28) - and around 4300km to cover, the big Wing was close to the perfect motorcycle.

Back in 2000 I had Kawasaki's awesomely-fast ZX-12R at my disposal, and it was simply sensational for fast Euro travel. And for the mountain passes in the Swiss Alps or the racer roads of the Black Forest it would have left a Gold Wing doing a three-point turn while it howled off into the distance.

The only drawbackwith the 12 was that without hard luggage, it made it difficult to walk away from the bike with my worldly possessions attached only by an ocky strap - and good luck. A perfect target for crooks and villains.

The Wing addressed that in 2002 with its lock-up panniers and topbox, not to mention the fact that the motorcycle itself would be an unlikely target for bike thieves. It's just too big to be an easy target.

LUXURY PAMPERING
Of course, the real benefit of Wing travel lies in the luxurious pampering of the rider and passenger, of which there was a latter for part of my travels.

Cruise control, radio, CD-stacker, ample storage capacity, sensational weather protection and that amazing engine - oh, that engine.

More grunt than a barn full of hogs, that six-cylinder donk had me 'cruising' at 160kmh on the German autobahns, with the new-generation 1800cc Wing far more stable at speed than the superseded GL1500, which could get a bit wiggly at higher velocities.

I averaged 14.1km/lt over the two and a bit weeks I had the bike, which was 1km/lt worse than my last GL1800/6 sampling in Oz. Then again, it's hard to cruise at 160kmh on Aussie roads and keep your licence.

Mind you, with the price of fuel running as high as $2.20 per litre (in the UK), racking up Aussie speeding fines is probably cheaper than refuelling the beast after a prolonged 160kmh gallop. That big fairing sure pushes a lot of air.

What's surprsing is that the 1800 Wing weighs in lighter than the 1500 version, and is more manoeuvrable too boot. Navigating slippery cobblestoned DDR streets, or winding through packed south-coast English seaside resorts was never a problem. Nor was manhandling the Wing on to the Sea France Channel ferry ($230) for the return trip to the UK. And nor was a particularly invigorating late-afternoon 'race' through London peak-hour traffic to get to a barbecue.

"Follow me, I know the quick way," said Patrick, from Gold & Goose Photography (AMCN's GP and SBK photographers).

The only problem was that Patrick was on his Suzuki SV650, and I was on the Wing. And Patrick was a demon at overtaking queued cars in the oncoming lane, or filtering through grid-locked London traffic.

Trust me when I say that the Wing will lane-split with the best of 'em - well, for the first half-metre at least!

I'm not sure where that particular 'journey' rates in my list of surprises and memories, but it's right up there with the 'slapper' and the refugee kids.

Come to think of it, so too is the £44 ($A128!) 10-minute taxi ride to Heathrow after I'd returned the Wing to Honda UK. Expensive business this Euro travelling.

Mmm, might have to head to eastern Europe again next time as well - friendly people, great sights, bucketloads of untouched history, and much better value for the dollar. Wonder if those Czech girls will remember me and wave as I ride past...

Story and photos: Ken Wootton