Aprilia Futura v BMW R1150RT v Honda ST1300 v Kawasaki ZZ-R1200 v Suzuki V-Strom v Yamaha FJR1300

Email to: Uncle Emo
Subject: Clare Caper, Day 1

Dear Uncle,
As you once famously said, "Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." I never quite understood this until watching the Ed try to get this bunch of freaks and ratbags together for what was supposed to be a highly-organised seven-way bike comparo. It's like trying to knit wet spaghetti with a pair of steak knives.

The worst part is that I've been secretly put in charge of Spannerman, with strict instructions to, at any cost, prevent him from leading. Gee, Ed Snag can be so sensitive - you'd think he'd be over last year's incident with the cat, the pineapple and the roadmap by now...

Regards

Guido

Have you ever tried to organise a trip and the damned thing just won't lay down and die? This was one of those efforts. Plan A was an inter-city crossing on bush tracks (with very different bikes, we'll hasten to add). That went out the window when it was discovered that it would be cheaper to buy a small rural property of our own and move in.

Okay, so let's go overseas - like Tasmania. How hard can that be? Not at all for one or two people, but eight? There goes the annual travel budget... Let's see - South Oz looks pretty good, and why not hit the vino-growing area of Clare?

Apart from having a fair bit of interest for the wine guzzlers among us (actually, that covers everyone), the route from Melbourne via the Great Ocean Road to Robe, up to Clare, then back to Nelson and home, gave a pretty fair mix of territory that was just perfect for exercising a bunch of sports-tourers. Some fairly boring stuff where the surface quality varies from great to pretty damn ordinary, with slow and fast sports riding territory thrown in for good measure.

The crew was far bigger than for last year's Cairns Caper: Ed Leech - holder of the money and therefore a critical ingredient, Baz Ashenhurst on the cameras, Jason "Justin" Crowe (graphic artiste and back-up car driver), Mike "Sinkers" Sinclair, Rob Smith, Spannerman, me and some bloke called TBA. Ah, hello, we seem to be down a rider. Some last-minute calls around the traps left a few folk in tears because they couldn't come at such short notice, and former Yamaha manager Graeme Laing turning up grinning from ear to ear clutching his teddy and his invitation.

So what makes a sports-tourer? Funny thing is that this seems to get more hazy the further you delve into the assorted corporate toyboxes. For example, Kawasaki's ZZ-R1200 would have rated as the performance flagship not so long ago - if it weren't for the ZX-R12.

At the other end of the scale are bikes like the R1150RT and ST1300. Americans have long considered this class of machine as sports-tourer, though Aussies classified them as full tourers - that is until we started buying land yachts like K1200LTs and GoldWings.

Confusing the issue is that Bimm and Honda have the K1200RS and Blackbird (also sports-tourers) while the RTs and STs of this world have narrowed the handling gap enormously, to the point where they really don't give much (if anything) in point to point times to the allegedly faster kit.

So what about the Suzuki V-Strom? We grabbed it for a few reasons: 1. It's the closest thing to a sports tourer in the current Suzi line-up, 2. Our experience is that buyers will consider an incredibly wide range of gear early in the selection process, 3. And we had a strong suspicion it would do okay in this company - as would any of the other big adventure tourers currently in the market.

Oh and let's not forget the back-up toy - a V-eight version of Bimm's X5. Very nice, apparently. Not that we'd know, as Justin refused to let anyone else near the keys and he's a little on the big side to fight.

THIS SPORTING LIFE

Email to: Uncle Emo
Subject: Clare Caper, Day 2

Dear Uncle,
Yesterday was a transport section to the Great Ocean Road, and didn't really tell us much. Today was an entirely different story as we got to have a bit of a play. For a start, we discovered that just because Mr TBA had his first race meeting in 1956 there's no reason to assume he won't keep up. In fact it was a major drama catching the bugger and there's dark mumblings about dropping some valium in his tea. The man's out of control.

Regards
Guido

There's nothing quite like direct back-to-back experience to highlight the good and ordinary on any motorcycle. The real surprise was just how sharp the R1150RT and ST1300 turned out to be on roads you'd normally be reserving for a sports bike. Cornering clearance became an issue (but rarely), and the linked brakes on both aren't ideal in this environment.

We really liked the Bimm's front end and accuracy when hurled into a turn. This shouldn't come as a complete surprise. The 1100 version was a very good thing, and the 1150 has simply moved on from there with a slightly more willing powerplant. However the boxer twin engine is not the highlight of the package - it does respectably, but is outclassed in this company. The quite savage response to the foot brake on the very first 1150 has been backed off a little, though some of our group still found it difficult to come to grips with.

Honda's ST1300 is far more agile than its bulk would suggest, and is a much sharper handling package than its 1100 predecessors. The V-four engine, which is a completely new unit, is a ultra-flexible monster, capable of propelling the machine to an indicated 250kmh.

If the BMW's front end was good, the Kawasaki's was exceptional and easily the pick of the bunch. You knew exactly what the machine was doing at any time, which gave the rider a lot of confidence.

Though not quite as strong in the low and midranges as you might expect, the inline four had a top-end capable of changing your perception of time and space. The low and midrange commentary is made in the light of machines like the ST and FJR, though the Kawasaki could still manage 60-260-plus in top gear - so there's no complaint about its flexibility. The engine made for an exciting mount, even if it raised the question of where on earth you'd use its potential.

It was the Yamaha which probably carried the biggest burden of expectation, simply because on paper it looked like the perfect compromise between sport and touring needs. It's handling on the sport roads failed to impress at first, but once we ditched the shot tyres for new rubber, and worked out a good compromise on the suspension settings, it came into its own. Some folk just loved it, thanks in part to a fat midrange from a well-sorted inline four and a general 'do anything' demeanour, described by Smith as reminiscent of a bigger and better Diversion.

If any of the machinery had folk curious, it was the Aprilia. Its V-twin powerplant and slick gearbox were a sexy combo, particularly when you got to the upper rev ranges where the machine remained a surprisingly strong performer. However its handling was initially compromised by shot tyres that were underinflated by a considerable margin, doubtful suspension settings and a skewed front end. It showed how, with some simple errors, you could turn the handling of a modern bike back 20 years.

We eventually got all that sorted and the Priller turned out to be a thoroughly enjoyable device - except in crosswinds, which it seemed particularly sensitive to.

Triumph's ST carried the only inline triple engine in the pack, and what a honey it turned out to be. Very flexible and lively to the point where it was not about to be embarrassed by the bigger bikes until the speeds got a very long way past set-fire-to-your-licence stage.

Handling was capable - aided at times by its comparatively small physical size, though the front brakes on the test example were spongy and nowhere near as good as we've come to expect from this model.

What of the Suzi? The now well-proven V-twin made sure the V-Strom was never embarrassed by the others - certainly not in a straight line. However the handling wasn't as confidence inspiring as most and was happiest ridden at eight rather than ten tenths. Put this down to a chassis that has some inevitable compromises built into it, and Bridgestone Trailwing rubber which wasn't providing as much feedback as the tar-dedicated items on the other bikes.

That said, the V-Strom shone when the weather turned ugly (howling winds and bucketing rain), where its light manners and sit-up ride position made it very easy to control. Regardless of the weather, the V-Strom was always with the pack when we pulled up.

TOOLS ON TOUR

Email to: Uncle Emo
Subject: Clare Caper, Day 4

Dear Uncle,
It's not as though we're travelling to the moon, but you'd be surprised at how quickly this bunch of ratbags gets bored. And what they'll do to relieve the boredom. Like suggesting completely changing the whole schedule or whinging that the ashtray on their bike is full.

It's a good thing Ed Snag isn't allowed to have sharp objects, otherwise I think there would have been a staff cull today.

Regards
Guido

So what's the score when the curves flatten out and you're just clocking up miles? This is when people notice things like seat comfort, windscreen height and all that stuff you're too busy to worry about when belting into a corner at warp 3.

No two bikes offer a more interesting contrast that the BMW and ST. The German has electric screen (an option on the Honda) plus adjustable seat. The Honda - in stock form - has zero adjustment, yet it somehow manages a compromise that kept riders ranging from 189 to 166cm perfectly happy. The lack of stock electric screen is a real bummer as the manual adjustment is fiddly and not a side-of-the-road job.

BMW's electric screen works well, while the adjustable seat height makes a huge difference. Our tallest rider hated the Bimm with the seat in the lowest position, but was all smiles after making the two-minute adjustment.

While the Yamaha has the smallest screen of the lot, it too has electric adjustment and does a lot to keep wind pressure off the rider. It's a pretty good compromise for this style of machine.

Since we've mentioned height, none of the screens really worked for the 189cm galoot, who would be looking for aftermarket items that added at least a few centimetres.

Perhaps surprisingly, it was the Aprilia which won a fair bit of praise for its comfort - particularly among the medium height riders.

Something South Australia provided plenty of was straight and choppy roads, which had the potential to shake your fillings out if you were on the wrong bike. The clear winner when it came to ride quality in this environment was the Honda, with the Triumph at the other end of the order. Though the Triumph's sport-oriented set-up, with its relatively short travel suspension, did it some favours in the tight stuff, it was not ideal in the rough stuff.

While the V-Strom was the top choice in the handling stakes when the weather turned foul, the BMW easily won when it came to comfort. There was one very simple reason: heated handlebar grips. When it's raining pack-ice, you'll forgive a motorcycle everything if it can assist in keeping the body temperature up to spec.

Weather aside, the route we took was a pearler and highly recommended if your idea of touring is to spend at least some of your time making the most of what the locals have to offer. There's plenty to see on the GOR, while we can recommend Robe (SA - particularly the Caledonian Inn and Aunty Bee's café up the road) and Nelson (Vic - particularly the Black Wattle motel, which has a very good chef). The offerings of the Clare (Burra is well worth a detour) and Barossa valleys are enough to keep you occupied for days.

OF BELTS AND BADGES

Email to: Uncle Emo
Subject: Clare Caper, Day 5

Dear Uncle,
You've always argued that appearance is everything and, while this is against the teaching (though rarely the practice) of every other human being I've ever met, there is something to what you say. For example Sinkers was discussing with some relish his nice new leathers and expressed his surprise that he could find an off-the-rack set in his shape. Spannerman blurted he felt that was because Sinks is the same shape as a cow and all they had to do was hollow one out. I think this amounts to jealousy, because no-one's made Spannerman-shaped leathers - then again, where would you find a yeti in this day and age?

Regards
Guido

We've tried pushing the theory that a motorcycle's appearance is irrelevant, as you don't have to look at it while you're riding it. Nice try but no cigar. The fact is that looks are important, as is finish, and you could argue that both have some practical value. For a start they'll affect resale price, while quality of finish can have a major effect on the longevity of the machine.

Aprilia's Futura easily wins the controversy contest on styling. Now the interesting thing is that the only person who liked it at first was the graphic artist (does this say something about that profession, or Aprilia?). It grew on people to a remarkable degree and, by the end of the week away, it had quite a few supporters.

After polling the group, it seemed that the BMW won the quality of finish award. Not by a huge margin, as the general level was pretty good - but enough to count. The Futura dragged the chain in this area, with signs that it would need some additional care to keep it looking fresh.

The ZZ-R1200 had the most traditional-looking dash, and there's nothing wrong with that. Aprilia's was the most 'out there' with lots of interesting LCD displays, while the Honda potentially provided the most info, though the digital section of its display was often difficult to read.

A special mention should be made of the Yamaha's suspension adjustment, which was easily the pick of the crop. It offered plenty of scope to get it right (or very wrong) while being the most accessible.

The BMW, Honda, Yamaha and Aprilia all came standard with integrated hard panniers, while you can order a factory set for the Triumph. (A last-minute glitch meant our ST scored Triumph throwovers instead of panniers.) Kawasaki offers a K-badged set of Givis, while you can get a similar set-up for the Suzuki. The last two options hang off the sides like elephant testicles, though they are roomy, easy to mount and very robust.

So what of the factory options? All except the BMW's were colour-coordinated, which we must say looked a hell of a lot better. However the universal black finish on the BMW was far less prone to scuffing and may last better. The BMW's bags also worked the best - though there wasn't much in this contest.

It was the most expensive of the group (not by much), but the BMW packed a lot of value into its package, partly by being the only bike to offer ABS and a stereo as standard. You would need to fit headsets to make the sound system usable at highway speeds, which shouldn't be a major challenge.

It wasn't all a bed of roses for the Bimm, however, as it spat its alternator drive belt. Located in a housing at the front of the engine, it wasn't a viable roadside repair and in this case the bike ended up in the trailer.

THE GREAT DEBATE

Email to: Uncle Emo
Subject: Clare Caper, Day 7

Dear Uncle,
You should have been at the pub last night for the bunfight over which bike should win. Stand back - we now have Guido's Law of motorcycle selection. Which is: The more unreasonable the choice, the more passionately it's defended. What a trip. The flesh wounds will heal up okay, but the emotional damage could last for years.

Regards
Guido

When you've participated in a Trader debate over who or what won the comparo, you can see how the Israel/Palestine situation developed. We reckon it all started with an ownership dispute over the local pie shop.

Just about the entire crew was on the rev-limiter at various stages, with Mr TBA quietly pouring verbal petrol on the blaze at the most inopportune moments.

After spending a couple of hours (well, actually the best part of a week) discussing the merits and failings of the assorted mounts, it came down to a vote. First we tried a simple seven points for first down to one point for last, with all riders having to rank their machines in order of preference. The criteria was left to the individual rider, but the upshot had to be what they'd most want to ride off with right then and there after several days of debate.

You could keep your vote secret until the results were tallied. The only problem was there was a lingering complaint that this wasn't necessarily the fairest system, and that riders should instead be allowed to allocate a number of points out of five to all the bikes - which meant one person could, for example, give maximum points to two or three different bikes. Here's the weird part: The two voting systems supplied identical rankings, and had the top three running very, very, close on points.

So what was the result? The three top place getters were FJR1300, ST1300 and R1150RT in that order. Congratulations Yamaha!