Aprilia ETV1000 Caponord

Hrghgarrhahhrraggha! As the old bugger at the pub table next to me damn near choked in his own phlegm for the eighth time in the last 20 minutes, the contrast of my current circumstances to those I left 12 hours ago well and truly hit home.

Just that morning, after being awoken by the piercing tones of my alarm clock, I'd been battling Melbourne's smog-choked peak hour traffic as I attempted to the escape the clutches of city living and the stress that goes with it.

And now here I sat, in a rustic pub in a tiny country hamlet where time has stood still since its handful of inhabitants decided it was a silly concept anyway, a lengthy yellow ribbon of corrugated dirt the only way in for those lost or inquisitive enough to be on it. With a bloke next to me coughing up chunks of lung in between falling asleep in his vegie soup. Ahh, the serenity...

SERIOUS MILE MUNCHERS
The usual suspects had joined me on our circuitous route from the Big Smoke, which in this instance comprised not just of blacktop, but a hefty dose of dirt too, including some sections of the steep, narrow, ride into a rock wall or sail off a cliff variety.

So it was quite convenient that we'd managed to secure the perfect mounts for the ride - big-bore dualsports with enough wallop to thrash it out with the best of 'em at a track day, and the suspenders, ride position and practicalities to venture off the bitumen too, if need be.

Throw in the ergonomics, weather protection and fuel range to devour country miles en mass with a high degree of comfort, and the luggage space to pack all you (and a partner) could need, and you've got one seriously capable motorcycle that can take you places you wouldn't even think of on other mounts.

Our cosmopolitan contenders, in this case, were Triumph's Tiger, BMW's R1150 GS, Aprilia's Caponord, Cagiva's Navigator and Honda's Varadero, each with a strong pedigree and each vying for the top of a nowadays chock-full class.

It's been some two-and-a-half years since I've been let out of the funny farm that passes for this bike mag and tested big duallies in a major comparo, and since that last strop - which featured BMW's R1100 GS, Honda's Varadero and Triumph's Tiger - there's been more than a few changes.

A SPORTING PEDIGREE
Bavaria's finest now sports the up-cubed Boxer powerplant, the Triumph receiving a similar boost with the shoehorning of the 955cc donk into the Tiger instead of its old 885cc unit. Both have received numerous other upgrades in the last couple of years.

Honda's Varadero may have stayed the same, but the big 'Dero now faces some stiff competition, not just in the form of the up-spec'd BMW and Triumph but from two all-new kids on the block, namely the Navigator and the Caponord.

And for those of you who'd rather be beaten to death with a shaft drive than throw a leg over anything other than a sports machine, now's as good a time as any to point out just what's providing the berries for this brace of machines.

Each is powered by a stonking donk that can also be found at the heart of many a competent sports scalpel, albeit in a retuned guise which focuses on low down and mid-range useability rather than a screaming top end.

The BMW's powerplant is found in the R1100 S, the Tiger shares its engine with the Daytona, the Honda with the VTR1000, the Aprilia with the RSV1000 and the Cagiva with the Raptor 1000 (whose powerplant is found in Suzuki's TL1000S). So there's no denying there's plenty of ponies on hand - just take a glance at the dyno charts. On the open road there's oodles of oomph instantly apparent...

WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING
Rolling along the highway quickly proves these bikes eat up the kilometres in a lazy, effortless manner. In fact in top gear at 100kmh they're really only just ticking over, the Beemer pulling 2900rpm, the Aprilia and the Cagiva both 3900rpm, the Honda 4000rpm and the Tiger 4200rpm. The Honda is the only five-speeder, the rest having the extra gear, in BMW's case a dedicated overdrive to give it an extra helping hand in the fuel economy and touring range stakes.

'Lazy' should by no account be equated with 'gutless', however - make no mistake, a twist of the wrist will see these hefty machines of not inconsiderable weight rapidly bugger off into the distance, with top-gear overtaking rarely requiring a down change to spur them on.

But while big torque may be the general order of the day for this class of motorcycle, on a bike-to-bike basis each has a distinct feel all its own - and we had some fantastic roads ahead of us on which to put 'em through their paces.

'Scything' isn't a word you'd expect to see applied to bikes such as this - with relatively plush, compliant suspension and an average wet weight (with empty panniers but no topbox) of 267kg that's not really surprising. But attacking the 14km of unrelenting tightening-radius corners between Gippland's Boolarra and Mirboo North highlighted just how damn good these thing are.

BAVARIAN PICKLES
With Sam McLachlan leading the charge on the Trumpy, a BMW-mounted me up his taillight, followed in quick succession by Mark 'Mav' Fattore and regular test ring-in Murray 'Muzza' Sharp, with our Esteemed Ed performing 'tailend Charlie' duties, our freight train wouldn't have been getting along any quicker had we been mounted on sporting fare - and we couldn't possibly have been having any more fun!

These things stick like Macca's pickles to a ceiling, with the sensation of swooping down to silly lean angles accentuated by their high seat heights and upright riding positions - tackling constant switchbacks and chicanes on these bikes is a blast none of us will forget in a hurry.

The BMW's Paralever and Telelever suspension was soaking up the bumps beautifully, its inherent stability letting me enjoy the odd sideways step of the rear Metzeler Tourance hoop, instead of shifting sphincter suction into critical while reviewing a split-second re-run of my life to date. That would probably have been the case had I been mounted on a litre-class sports blaster.

It was this 'user-friendliness' that similarly allowed me to concentrate on ringing the BMW's neck to keep up with the Trumpy (which has a stronger top end), while keeping the Aprilia and Honda, which were looming ever large in my mirrors, at bay.

MIXED BAG
The Woose, plagued by recurring memories of near death experiences on the recent Dumb & Dumber V jaunt through the Snowys (funny how they were omitted from that particular yarn!), wasn't too keen to capitalise on the Cagiva's strong points on the bitumen, namely the fact it aces the rest in the outright mumbo stakes and comes fitted with sportier Metzeler Z4 tyres as standard. Combine its light weight (at 252kg it's the lightest of the group by an appreciable margin) and the fact it felt the stiffest of the quintet and you should have a machine ready to scalp the others alive on the road - shouldn't you?

Well, yes and no. The Navigator was undeniably good when the speeds went up and the red mist visors came down, but it also required a little more effort to throw into a corner.

That characteristic is easily overlooked when you're grinning from ear to ear because you're throwing around a litre-class, power-packed V-twin in a package that feels closer to a Honda Dominator or Aprilia Pegaso in its size. A lower seat height and a smaller screen/instrument panel just add to the contrast between the 'smaller' Navigator and the other four.

SACRIFICIAL PANNIERS
Meanwhile the Navigator's countryman, the Caponord (named after Scandinavia's North Cape) really shined when it came to the sealed stuff silliness. Certainly not lacking in power, the Star Trek-styled Caponord might have felt porky compared to the likes of the Cagiva, but once I'd chosen a line it stuck there come hell or high water, tracking through the turns beautifully and laughing in the face of any bump or pothole which attempted to upset the plot.

This was a fact I was made eminently aware of the following day, when a 'spirited' strop over a particularly memorable section of road between the Victorian towns of Eildon and Jamieson led me to inadvertently perform a mobile grinding job on the Caponord's panniers. I knew the pegs were decking, but their harsh metallic vibes were masking those of the plastic panniers behind them - and the Aprilia wasn't the only victim.

Pulling up down the road to allow heart rates to return to normal revealed the Honda's panniers to have gone down the same road, so to speak, whereas the panniers on all the other bikes are mounted higher and out of harm's way. It's a testament to just how far these bikes can be pushed, but something to be aware of lest you fancy scouring the last 10km to pick up your socks and jocks...

CEREBRAL CONNECTIONS
The Tiger was also a hit in the tight stuff, planted, tractable and quite agile. It seemed to rev the most willingly of all of the bikes present, subsequently streaking quickly through its low and mid rev-ranges to its top end, where (bar the Cagiva) it was king.

One point that stood out on the Tiger was the cerebral connection between wrist, engine, and rear wheel. Crisp throttle response still saw things stay smooth at low speeds, with a distinct lack of any drivetrain slop.

As a total unit everything felt integrated and sorted, each aspect of the bike's mechanics working together in complete harmony - not that you'll be waxing eloquent while riding the wheels off the thing; there's too much fun to be had!

And that leaves the Honda. The Varadero (named after a resort town on the coast of Cuba, believe it or not!) may be the only bike here found in the same basic spec as when it was launched (back in late '98), and it may look like a prehistoric insect - but it's certainly not lacking.

The 'Dero feels bigger than the rest, and is no longer the top of the tree in the horsepower stakes, but in much the same way as the Caponord it'll plough forward over decidedly dodgy terrain without complaint, whether you're cranked over to the pegs (and panniers!) or not.

Suspension-wise, the 'Dero was the big softie of the group, delivering a super-smooth ride that'll be appreciated greatly on the long haul. An expansive screen also delivers the goods in the weather protection stakes, second only to the Caponord.

The 'Dero still holds its own among the fresher and new faces, but you have to work it that little bit harder. On the other hand, if long days in the saddle and interstate blasts are more your thing, it's still up there with the best of 'em.

LET'S GET DIRTY!
With the sun well over the yard arm on our escape from civilisation, it was time to press on - we had a date with a substantial amount of dirt before we could face our first beer at our stopover point that night, the Woods Point pub.

The bitumen thus far had been superb, but if we thought the 80-odd kilometres of dirt would bring the bike-borne silliness to an end, we were sadly mistaken.

With Mav 'Peterhansel' Fattore and Muzza 'Sainct' Sharp quickly barrelling off in a cloud of dust and shooting rocks, I settled down to getting in the groove with the Beemer. The last time I'd taken one of these for a spin in the dirt I nearly wore a rather large eucalypt - you get that when you grab a handful willy nilly on wet clay. This time I was decidedly more respectful.

And when I finally did relax and start to enjoy myself, I found the BMW an absolute pleasure. It might be the least powerful of the group in outright top-end power, but you can use all of what it's got. It's got a stack of torque though, and it maxes out right where you need it most on the dirt.

The super-wide 'bars are great too, giving heaps of leverage and control, allowing me to push the bike down like a true dirt machine and ride out the corners.

But the biggest surprise of the BMW for me was throwing the GS on the electronic scales days later back at Horror HQ - bar the Cagiva, I would have picked it to be the lightest, but not so. At 277kg, it proved to be the heaviest of the group, a good 8kg more than the Honda (269kg), which itself was several bees dicks heavier than the Tiger and the Caponord, which each tipped the scales at 268kg. Incidentally, all bikes were weighed with full tanks of fuel and panniers attached.

It's amazing what a low C of G can do, with the GS no doubt helped along by its flat twin engine configuration.

For my determined-to-get-home-intact pace, I found the GS's suspension perfect, while Mav and Muzza later remarked they found it to be good, just a tad too harsh over corrugations when pushing on. Mind you, with their numerous lengthy 'skids' stopping just short of the precipitous edge of the track every second corner, I reckon they might have been better off on something more like a KTM 520EXC - with the body armour to match!

TRUE ALL-ROUNDERS
The southern reaches of the Great Dividing Range hide some truly spectacular country, and as we wound our way north from Walhalla, past '4WD ONLY' signs, I couldn't help but think how brilliant these machines really are.

We'd just been caning the living bejeezus out of them on some scintillating tar, now here we were rolling down a rocky, steep, one-lane track - with a dizzying drop ready to mark the full stop to your life story if you didn't keep your wits about you.

Stopping for a quick breather on an historic wooden bridge over the Aberfeldy River (well, I suspect it was historic, it certainly looked like it could have collapsed at any second!), it was time to reflect on the various bikes' dirt prowess - and throw stones at Mav while he searched the riverbank below for where he dropped his ear plugs...

Like on the tar, it seemed each bike was doing a good job of handling the rougher end of its design brief, but favourites were emerging.

The BMW scored well, as did the Tiger, which steered beautifully as it growled its way out of the corners (the aftermarket sports muffler helped there!). The Tiger's suspenders worked a treat in the rough stuff.

OFFROAD JUGGERNAUTS
The Caponord and Varadero grunted their way along unperturbed by rocks, ruts or corrugations, with supreme stability and tractability the biggest feathers in their caps.

With both bikes down the plusher end of the scale, they'd happily stick to a line in their sure-footed manner, and although they couldn't be thrown around as easily as say the BMW or Tiger, you could rest easy in the knowledge you weren't in for any nasty surprises.

The Navigator's low weight and all-round manageability meant I could throw it around with ease off the bitumen, but not surprising working against it were its road tyres and stiffer, more road-oriented suspension.

Skating over corrugations and more prone to bouncing off bumps than soaking them up, the Navigator's high power output might have spelled plenty of wheel-spinning jollies, but the bottom line was that a greater amount of care was needed to keep things on course off the beaten track. Mind you, that's easily fixed with a change of rubber for those likely to spend more of their time in the loose stuff.

The remainder of the dirt to Woods Point passed way too quickly, which was bad in that everyone was having a blast, but ultimately good because dusk and the all the suicidal furry critters it harbours was fast approaching.

STEP BACK IN TIME
Visiting Woods Point, like the historic township of Walhalla we'd passed through earlier that day, is just like stepping back in time. As the crow flies Woods Point is only around 100km in a straight line from Melbourne's CBD, but due to the rugged landscape and rough road into the place, it feels like you're a million miles from anywhere.

A thriving centre during Victoria's gold rush times but burnt to the ground during bushfires in 1939, this charming township is now home to a small handful of people, a service station (which has to be seen to be believed!), a general store and a welcoming little pub with a bike-friendly publican (thanks for the first shout, Don!).

A beer at the pub was the perfect way to lubricate four decidedly dusty throats, and let the bench racing begin. Why only four? Well, Sam had missed the turn-off around 7km back, and we weren't about to let the beers go flat while we waited. Besides, a night camping out in the mountains might have toughened him up a bit...

Oh, and if you're wondering, he did eventually realise the error of his ways and back-track.

"The road I was on just kept going upwards - when I stopped there was snow all around me. At least I know that the Caponord's headlight is a good 'un!"

The R1150 GS (and the 1100 GS before it) is the only large-capacity dualsport to have sold in big numbers in Oz, and the Beemer emerged as something of a favourite on this test. As a true all-rounder, the $17,165 R1150 GS truly delivers the best of both worlds, with a top-quality finish complemented by top performance and rugged construction.

Throw in heated handlebar grips and some other niceities as standard, and the Beemer may be up the dearer end of the price scale, but you get a lot of capability for your bucks.

The Tiger was nipping at the Beemer's heels, a terrific overall package made even better by the fact that at $15,480 it's the cheapest of the bunch (prices quoted for all five bikes are without the optional factory luggage fitment).

Not that there's a bad apple among the remaining three - the comparatively pricey $18,499 Caponord, $15,690 Varadero and $15,490 Navigator are all fine bikes in their own right, just not as adept off the bitumen as the GS and Tiger. Then again, if dirt's not on your agenda anyway, picking a winner's that much harder again - what colour do you prefer?

And let's be honest here - owners of this type of bike are likely to spend at least 95 percent of their time on sealed roads anyway.

BOOK THE HOLIDAYS
When it comes to mile munching - on or off the highway - each of these bikes is made to order. Upright riding positions, broad and comfy seats, plenty of legroom, good weather protection, great luggage carrying capacity and healthy fuel ranges - they're a tourer's dream.

In fact the Tiger and Caponord should be good for over 300km in a stint, courtesy of respective fuel economy figures of 14.18km/lt and 13.12km/lt. The GS should be good for a safe 280km with its 13.25km/lt average. About 250km is possible on the Varadero (which returned 11.48km/lt), its bigger tank taking it a tad further than the Navigator (which returned 12.33km/lt), which should still manage around 230km. These figures are based on an overall average, including legal highway speeds, hard road riding and dirt work.

While on the topic of fuel tanks, the Navigator has a fussy dual filler arrangement (must be because it's a dualsport!) which requires both fuel caps to be opened for the tank to be filled to the brim.

The other thing worth mentioning is that with full tanks these bikes suddenly become decidedly more ungainly.

The Navigator suffered least in this area, and is the best option for those of shorter stature or small physical dimensions as it is the most manageable - with or without a full tank (having the smallest tank at 20lt helps here of course).

Both the Triumph and Varadero can feel top heavy with a full fuel load, the former helped along here by its taller engine compared to the three V-twins and BMW's boxer.

The Beemer and Triumph also have higher-mounted panniers (especially compared to the low-slung Varadero items and similarly low-mounted Caponord panniers), and this can also affect weight distribution (and therefore handling) when fully loaded.

Incidentally, the topboxes were pretty much left empty on this overnight trip, save for the camera gear in the Cagiva's topbox, as we had heaps of room utilising just the panniers.

GOING NUTS
After a sound night's sleep in our comfy lodgings at the Woods Point pub, it was time to head home and face our respective chores and responsibilities - but not before having a truly huge pub brekky fry-up, before going nuts over more great dirt tracks and sealed twisties. Well, we had to get back to Horror HQ somehow!

It's amazing this class of motorcycle hasn't sold by the boat-load in Australia. After all, with such an amazing diversity of countryside to explore, long distance go-anywhere bikes like these are ideal for so many reasons, from a sunny Sunday afternoon strop to a round-Oz epic.

As for that afternoon strop, I reckon you'd be hard pushed to match the pace of these bikes on a current hypersport weapon should you decide to tackle the Putty, Reefton Spur, Mount Glorious, or whatever your local racer road may be.

It's no wonder top-selling US monthly Cycle World awarded BMW's R1150 GS its Best Sportstourer award last year. No, that's not a misprint!

Whether a dualsport has the same amount of cred at the local cafe as a sportsbike (or sportstourer) is no doubt a determining factor in the disappointing sales to date Down Under of this category.

As the pressures of city living increase, as well as the urban sprawl, for many the urge to escape grows too - and I for one can't think of a better type of bike on which to fly the coop. Pass me that GS key...