12 things we learnt about travelling on New Zealand’s South Island

The west side of the island is the really amazing bit. Milky turquoise, jewel-coloured lakes and rivers cutting valleys in mountains that go past the sky… and roads that follow.

Here’s what we learnt:

1. You will take far more photos than you think. Make sure you have plenty of batteries and cards. The results are often disappointing as the views are sprawling. Don’t be discouraged – there will be some crackers.

2. Tourists from the four corners of the world are out on the road and all over it like a rash. The most dangerous places are where they reenter the road. Watch for errant campervans on your side, especially around the tourist turn-offs. Assume nothing or everything, depending on how you look at it.

3. Fuel is expensive and an eye needs to be kept on where the next fill is. Most towns have a self-serve 24-hour pump or two, but it may not always be premium. Many of these will dock $150 off the card and refund what is not used later. In small towns they are rarely staffed.

4. You will get wet unless remarkably lucky. The South Island’s west coast is one of the wettest places on earth. Like Tassie, arrange your trip around the weather map. As a rule of thumb, if it's wet on the east of the South Island, it'll be fine in the west and vice versa. It's rough rule of thumb. Sometimes punching through a rain front gets big rewards.

5. Likewise getting cold, especially in the western South Island is a given. Be prepared.

6. If you can't pronounce a place name, relax a Kiwi will correct you.

7. Ensure you have a cable lock for helmet and jackets so walking to gob-smacking places is on the agenda.

8. If you're heading to events like the Burt Munro Classic, a sidestand pad is a great idea as the parking in paddocks and on the beach can be, errr… challenging.

9. A trip across the ‘dutch’ used to be a cheap one, the current exchange rate and fees means you get less than one Kiwi dollar for each Aussie peso. Pub food has gone the way of the rest of the western world: they all reckon they are five-star nosh houses and charge that way.

10. Visit Queenstown but don’t stay there, as the room rates are eye watering!

11. A combination of slow tourist traffic, corners and towns make achievable distances significantly less than in Ozzy. Four hundred clicks in a day is about par.

12. Every paradise has its issues. In high summer sand flies come from everywhere the moment you stop. And there doesn’t need to be sand about!

By pure luck we lobbed into the coastal town Kaka Point on the south-east coast in a district called The Catlins. In this glorious riding country we came across a very special scratch.

Our first task was to fight off a Pommy couple who'd stuffed up and thought they were double-booked. We settled into a neat room with a view of a roaring ocean and rugged coastline.

Just outside the door a ribbon of fresh asphalt followed the coast south to Nugget Point. Although it's only 12km long the road is signed at 100km/h, perched a few meters above high tide, undulating and winding.

The recently sealed stretch leads to a lighthouse, rugged headland and a hide to view the yellow-eyed penguin -- the world's rarest formally dressed bird.

My thoughts went to the Great Ocean Road traffic jam back home and decided that the only similarity is the possibility of camper vans on the wrong side of the road.

We stayed at Mike ‘n’ Jenny’s, Jenny loaned us her car to go visit the penguins again at dusk. Try doing that in Lorne!